I mentioned in earlier posts about our tendency to lie to
ourselves. As we grow up we often interpret messages that people say or events that
we’ve experienced in a way that causes us to believe that we are not worthy or
we are not good enough or we are defective. We also make decisions that we
loathe and feel the need to hide from others and we beat ourselves up with
statements of how messed up we are. Those are all lies that keep us from moving
forward in our journey’s and keep us stuck in shame and unprocessed guilt. Part
of working through our past regrets and coming out on a healthy side is
combating those lies and telling ourselves the truth. Here are some basic
truths that apply to everyone and it is important to remind yourself of them
throughout every single day.
·
You are
human. Humans do good things and
they do bad things. Every single one of us makes mistakes and every single one
of us experiences some of those mistakes as shameful and embarrassing and
regretful. We hurt ourselves and we hurt others. Those mistakes do not define
you. The truth is that mistakes serve as opportunities to learn and to grow. It
is only when you see them in a way that causes you to stay stuck in your shame
that they become hurtful. Tell yourself the truth. The truth is you are human
and you make mistakes and those mistakes do not tell the story of who you are.
·
You are
loved. You were created by God and he loves you. There is nothing you can
do to earn it and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Your past is not
bigger than his love for you. I don’t care what you have done, you are still
loved. Your self-esteem and self-respect come from the fact that you were
created by a loving God and there is a purpose for you and you are needed. You
are valuable and it doesn’t matter what other people think about you or say
about you. They do not form the basis of your worthiness to be loved. If
whether or not you deserve love is based on anything other than a God gift, it
is like shifting sand and fluctuates from one day to another. The truth is you
are loved and you no longer have to keep living your life to try to earn it
from other people or from God.
·
You are
worthy. The fact that you were created by God and that he wants to partner
with you to bring you into a life of joy implies without question that you are
a worthy person. Your worth is not determined by the mistakes that you’ve made
or even the good things that you’ve done. Your worth is solely determined by
the fact that you have a purpose in this life. The truth is if you will believe
in your worthiness and partner with God to move forward, your regretful past
can become something upon which you can build because you have learned from it
and it no longer has the power to hold you back. In fact, it may be what has
prepared you to do your next great thing.
·
You are
meant for joy. You were not meant to be depressed, to be anxious, or to be
afraid. You were meant to experience joy and it is, in fact, what is produced
when you are on your mountaintop looking down on the valley from which you just
emerged. You cannot have peaks without
valleys. Joy does not mean you’ll never be sad or hurt or will never again make
bad decisions. It does not mean that there won’t be more valleys in your life
to be conquered. But it does mean that you have a partnership with a being
greater than yourself and a purpose in a story that’s bigger than you. That makes your mistakes and setbacks part of
an important process in that story.
Becoming further immersed in that bigger story in partnership with God
leads to joy. Tell yourself the truth of deserving joy.
·
You can
do this. Many of us have fears about moving from where we are to some place
new and different because we have no idea what to expect. Oftentimes we feel
like we don’t even have what it takes to get past the shame and the guilt of
our past decisions so we live in defeat. I will tell you that you have within
yourself the ability to do this. By moving into a partnership with your creator
and possibly even seeking the help of someone else you can find the strength to
overcome the pain of your past. Yes, you can forgive yourself and that is the
truth that you need to be saying over and over and over again. It will take
work and it may be a painful process but you will be so glad that you accepted
the challenge.
·
Freedom
is much better than bondage. Doing the work and going through the process,
even though very difficult, will take you to a place of freedom that is so much
better than bondage. In this new freedom you can accomplish the dreams that you
always wanted for your life. By choosing to stay in a place of shame and guilt
over your past you are robbing yourself of your future. You’re actually even robbing
yourself of your present since you can’t truly be you as you hide your shame
from other people. I encourage you to set freedom as your goal and strive for
and tell yourself the truth that the freedom that will come to you is so much
better than the bondage in which you live.
Make a chart of these truths. Place them where you can see them every
day. Don’t waste another minute letting
your past defeat you. While you are at
it, make another chart of who you really are.
Think about your personality, your strengths, your character. Are you loving, sensitive, kind, courageous, strong,
spiritual, etc? These traits are who you
are, not the things you have done or what has been done to you. Hang this list where you can see it daily as
well. Then, whatever the circumstances
you will know that you are loved, worthy, joyful, determined, and free and you
will be reminded of the person you really are.
Tomorrow: The final
chapter. Full reconciliation of self.
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