May 24, 2012
The Basics of Parenting and Other Relationships.
(Part 1 of many)
Much has been written about parenting over the
years. I've done it, lived it, studied it, been trained
in it, and even presented weekend seminars about it.
The conclusions I have drawn are that most things
about how to raise kids can be answered by asking
myself, “How would I want my boss to treat me?”
Think about it. Most of us have worked for somebody
before. We have had supervisors who we really
respected and others who we, for lack of a better
term, hated. The interesting thing is that we
struggle separating what a superior does from who
they are. If I hate the way I’m treated, I generally
will dislike you. If you treat me well and respect
my work, I will like you. Kids are the same way.
They can grow up loving or hating their parents
based on the way they feel about how they are
treated. Just as you would rebel against or even
leave a ruthless boss or company if treated
unfairly, kids will do the same to their parents.
Treated respectfully and as if you are valued, you
become loyal and never want to leave, many times
even in the face of better job offers.
So, for whom do you like to work? Generally, it
starts with someone’s attitude. You can tell when
your boss has gone to a seminar and learned a new
technique only to later replace it when the next
seminar rolls around or get tired of implementing
something. Someone, though, who genuinely values
their employees and is on their side and wants what
is best for them will not be swayed by gadgety (I’m
told that isn’t a word but I decided to christen it
anyway) techniques designed to increase production.
Similarly, parenting has to start with love and a
genuine like for our children. We strive to be on
their side and don’t see them as a burden or hassle.
How does it feel when your company sees you as a
burden or hassle? Chances are if they do you hate
going to work.
Generally, we want to work for people who give us
the following three messages. In my next post I will
identify four skills our kids need to learn as well
and that are also practiced by well-respected
employers. Dr. H. Stephen Glenn outlines these
messages this way and refers to them as necessary
perceptions we must have to succeed. Bosses and
parents usually have happy and successful results
when they focus on the following things:
-
Create opportunities for people to know you believe them to be capable. How does it feel to be told or treated like, “You can’t do this” over and over? You must have my help to figure everything out or, never mind, I’ll just do it myself. Or, how do you feel to work on something only to have it not be “good enough” and have someone redo it for you? Kids hate it too!
-
Create opportunities for people to know you believe they are significant. Have you ever served on a committee where you realized the decision had already been made and the work you are exerting is going to count for nothing? Frustrating isn’t it? Our kids don’t like being asked their opinions either when they know it won’t matter. Better not to even ask than to ask and ignore. Even better to choose some areas where they truly can have input into family life and contribute in meaningful ways.
-
Create opportunities for people to know they have influence. If you have an idea, an effective boss will listen with genuine interest and may even implement your offering. That makes us feel amazing! Likewise, our children need to feel if they come to you, they won’t control you, but you will genuinely listen to and discuss their ideas and really consider them.
Notice how these principles can strengthen marriages
and friendships in addition to parent-child and
employer-employee relationships. Enough for now. My
next several posts will be continuations on the
theme of parenting. There is much, much more to
present. Stay tuned and let me know if I can be of
help. Call or message me if you have questions.
Folks, I’m still in the business of video counseling
and I can help you turn bad situations into good.
Let me know.
