February 13, 2012

Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck

The last few years have really given me an opportunity to personally apply something I have known for years, namely that our beliefs matter in a huge way. They drive our thoughts, our feelings, and our behaviors. They can lead to joy or to depression and everything in-between. As I have reflected on my life over the last few years I have come to one conclusion; that almost every bad and harmful decision I have made came from a faulty or unhealthy belief of some kind.

For many years I believed I was only worthwhile as a human being as long as someone else saw and validated my value. That belief is one I held for most of my life and resulted in driving most of my choices. I immersed myself in church at the expense of my family and then felt rejected when I didn’t get the validation I was seeking. My belief that I was loved by God was short circuited every time I believed I let Him down resulting in feeling constantly defeated spiritually .It became my goal to treat people in a way that would earn their favor. The problem is two-fold. I sacrificed myself and who I was in the process and there was no way to please everyone. In the end I didn’t even know who I was and I experienced some very significant consequences for a belief that was so dominant but most of the time remained hidden from my consciousness. Yes, we therapists struggle too.

Once we believe something it is very difficult, if not impossible, to just decide to change it. After all, the belief has been reinforced over and over again throughout our lives as we have viewed our experiences through faulty lenses. It would be like believing the earth is flat even after seeing all the evidence to the contrary because I had lenses on that caused me to determine that all those pictures of a round world were just part of a government conspiracy. I just can’t believe what I don’t believe. So, where is the hope?

The hope lies in examination of our beliefs and in what things we choose to immerse ourselves. It is important to examine our beliefs and discover which ones are healthy and which ones are not and then read, listen to, and immerse ourselves in environments that support the healthy beliefs. Because we are completely unaware of many of these unhealthy beliefs, it is usually necessary for wise and trusted friends or a counselor to help you see what is holding you back and creating havoc in your life. This can’t be someone who is just going to tell you what you want to hear, but rather someone who cares enough to help you explore honestly. It also means you have to be open to learning even though it may be painful. So, be ready for some tough work. The pay-off is more congruence in life, which will be my next topic.

If you need help discovering your unhealthy beliefs, where they came from, and how to believe the truth instead, give me a call. That’s what I do and that’s why I am here. Don’t stay stuck because you can’t figure it out on your own.