May 4, 2012

But I Can’t Believe What I Don’t Believe!

The mind is amazingly powerful and if not taken seriously will leave us subject to teachings and beliefs thrust on us by others. Consider the tapes that play in your heads that have defined you. They can either hold you back or propel you forward but, think about it, those tapes came from your interpretation of what others taught you and your perceptions of the events of your life. Since these tapes are formed at an early age the capacity to challenge them when they begin forming in your head isn’t even possible. Then, when you are old enough to take a look at your beliefs you often don’t because now they just seem normal. You may even find reasons to reinforce them.

Here are some examples. Consider how many people stay in the religion and/or denomination in which they were raised. To question those beliefs is risking throwing themselves and those who love them in a fear based belief that to question, challenge, or God forbid, change that belief system would leave them with a faulty life compass and jeopardize eternity. So the temptation is to blindly cling to what is known no matter how hurtful it may be. It just isn’t safe to rock the boat.

Think about growing up in circumstances of poverty and you consistently see and hear that you don’t have what it takes to overcome and beat the cycle. No one in your family has graduated high school because getting a job to survive and support the family takes precedence. The kind of job you therefore qualify for has little, if any, benefits. All you can afford are starchy foods. So you gain weight, are uneducated, can’t take care of your teeth and may lose them, have no transportation or clothing but live in a society that says you’re lazy and tells you to just go get a job as if you’re even in the same ballpark as those with whom you are competing. Only when you begin to challenge those beliefs about yourself and risk doing something different can improvement come. But how?

What if you were raised to believe as a woman you must submit to your husband no matter what? He can emotionally, physically, and sexually abuse you but you were taught divorce would send you straight to hell or Hell and is therefore not an option. What does that do to your belief in who God is?

Our beliefs must be examined and challenged. Accepting something as true because someone else told us it was is dangerous. Whether it is about who you are as a person or a belief that keeps you stuck from personal growth, the longer your mind goes unchallenged the more of your life may be lived unfulfilled. Because we are comfortable with what we know and are often afraid of the unknown, we frequently read things, watch things, listen to things, and surround ourselves with people who don’t challenge us and, even worse, reinforce our stinking thinking. How many times do we say we want to eat healthy but meet our friends at the donut shop? If you want to eat healthy you’ll want to add to your circle of influence those who have that same goal and actually do it.

If you really want to take up Jesus’ challenge to love and care for “the least of these” it would be wise to quit filling your head with sources that tell you how the poor take advantage of the system and are just looking for a handout and, instead, actually put yourself in places where you can meet and talk to these folks and know their stories.

The reality is you can’t believe what you don’t believe no matter how many times somebody tells you what we should think. If you believe you are unworthy it won’t matter how many times somebody tells you you are valuable, you won’t believe it until you start challenging that belief and start hanging out with people and reading things that build you up. If you believe you’ll never get over grief, you won’t if you bombard yourself purposefully with sad songs and reminders of your pain. There is a proper time for grieving but making it harder to reach resolution just increases your chances of getting stuck in the process. What beliefs/tapes do you need to examine? ALL OF THEM!!!

Here are some suggestions:

1. Allow yourself to be open-minded to learn new things. Don’t worry, your current truth will hold up and even get stronger if new evidence doesn’t support a change in position. The practice of open-mindedness and study will go a long way to empathizing and connecting with people who think differently than you do. This means taking a chance to get to know and understand people with whom you otherwise would not associate, not to convince them they are wrong but rather to understand their perspective,
2. Be open to being with people who support the belief or action you are trying to adopt. If you want to eat healthy or lose weight, hang out with folks who feel the same and actually practice it. That’s why weight loss programs usually incorporate group meetings for encouragement and support. If you want to see if a loving God exists, expose yourself to people who believe that to be true. If you still come around to a punitive God then you’ll be more resolved than ever in that belief but you will understand others who believe differently than you as you try to reach them with the Good News. If you believe the poor are just lazy and trying to take advantage of the system, go volunteer in a homeless shelter for a few weeks and hear their stories. Get to know the people. You see, it is only by exposing yourself to both sides of a story that a truly educated decision can be made.
3. Pay attention to what you read, watch, and hear. Again, we often watch shows, read books, and give credibility to old tapes we hear in our heads that further entrench us in the very beliefs and behaviors we are trying to change. For example, if you struggle with a violent temper, MMA may not be the best choice for you to watch. If you’re worried about how much you drink, be honest with yourself and quit meeting your friends at bars. Challenge yourself to understand another point of view. If you are struggling with appreciating your spouse, constantly talking to your friends about how bad he/she is just further reinforces that belief system. Instead, choose to focus and share the positive. That’s not being inauthentic. Everyone has good and bad traits. It is just choosing your focus.

In short, live life on purpose. Take your thoughts captive and fill your head with things that reinforce who you want to be rather than who you have been.